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ALBUQUERQUE, NM—Local man Roy Wayland has been caught off guard once again by a crippling migraine that came out of nowhere. Roy has been searching for what could have caused this headache but so far it has remained a mystery.

“I haven’t eaten today, or exercised in months, and I live my life in a constant state of stress and dehydration. Why does this keep happening to me?” said Roy Wayland contemplating this massive injustice in his life. “Why do I feel awful all the time when I’m doing everything right?”

According to sources Roy stayed up every night the past week playing video games until 3 AM—all while eating junk food and drinking no water whatsoever. Consequently, Roy woke up each day that week in a hurry and without time for food or coffee. “And then without warning: BAM! My head is pounding and it feels like a truck is parked on my skull,” complained Roy. 

At publishing time, Roy stated that he planned on addressing his debilitating migraines by changing absolutely nothing about his daily habits and becoming outraged at life when he gets another migraine tomorrow.

The left, celebrities, and athletes will take money from China, but they sure don’t like talking about China. Tap your foot to the hit song parody of “We Don’t Talk About Bruno”!

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