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NASHVILLE, TN—Jordan Peterson is coming under criticism on social media after he commented “Sorry. Not beautiful.” after being shown a picture of the fattest woman of all time: your mom.

“Sorry, that’s not beautiful at all,” said Dr. Peterson emphatically. “I mean, just look at her! She’s huge! How did you even take that photo? On Google Earth?”

Several sources confirmed that Peterson’s comments were a “sick burn” and that witnesses responded, saying “OOOHHHHH SNAP! DANG SON!”

Peterson later elaborated on his comments. “I mean really. What if your mom sat on an iPhone, let’s say. It seems to me that if she sat on that iPhone, it wouldn’t take a hell of a lot of time for that iPhone to become squished into an iPad, because of her excessive weight. Or say she was playing pool. She’s so massive she would have to play pool with the planets themselves. If the Soviets put her in the gulag, she could survive forever without eating! Not good!”

Several critics have called for Peterson to give your mom an apology, but she wouldn’t be able to hear it anyway because she’s so stupid she put quarters in her ears to listen to 50Cent.


The left, celebrities, and athletes will take money from China, but they sure don’t like talking about China. Tap your foot to the hit song parody of “We Don’t Talk About Bruno”!


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