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WINCHESTER, WV—Local introvert Esther Leigh surprised her husband of ten years Thursday by sitting him down and explaining that he’d been mispronouncing her name this whole time.
“James, I’m sorry,” she began. “But you keep saying my name wrong. It’s ‘es-tur,’ not ‘es-thur.’
Her husband was reportedly shocked by the news. “But there’s an ‘H’ in it. That makes a ‘TH’ sound.”
“The ‘H’ is silent,” she explained. “Silent as the grave. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you! I was too shy! I’m just not very assertive ok?”
Authorities later confirmed that James Leigh was so dismayed by the revelation that he tore his shirt and wailed aloud about how embarrassed he was.
Esther’s husband first mispronounced her name on the night they met. According to sources, she didn’t correct him because it was a casual meeting and she thought they would never see each other again. However, a week later he surprised her with flowers and asked her out. By then Esther thought too much time had passed for her to correct him.
Marriage counselor Sandrelicka Bonaparte, an expert on mixed marriages between introverts and extroverts, says the tension between James and Esther is to be expected. “On one hand, you have a man who feels he’s been lied to for the entirety of the relationship, and on the other, you have a woman who is so shy that it took her ten years to criticize him. It will take some time to work through.”
Esther could not be reached for comment because she was too shy.
This man shared misinformation online, so the Ministry of Truth — err, sorry, the Disinformation Governance Board — detained him for questioning. Will he stand strong in the face of torture?