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PORTLAND, OR—After careful study, marriage experts have concluded that a man who would choose to kill a baby to keep from being stuck with a woman is not really good husband material.

“The willingness to engage in murder to avoid commitment is a definite red flag,” said psychologist Dr. Sarah Brunson. “He might not be that into you.”

Researchers had initially noted a concerning pattern of pro-abortion men often being pimps, brothel owners, and Democrat politicians. “We found a common thread of pro-abortion men wanting to use women’s bodies for their own pleasure while wielding violence to ensure women’s bodies do not function as designed,” said Dr. Brunson. “In case anyone is unsure – that’s not true love.”

Realizing that pro-abortion men might be violently using women for their bodies, liberal women have begun to demand that men give some sort of promise of support to women they sleep with. They have even proposed extreme measures like an exchange of vows, with a public sign of commitment, before agreeing to have sex.

At publishing time, researchers also warned that men scared of the level of commitment involved in joining the Columbia Record Club might also not be ready for marriage.

This man shared misinformation online, so the Ministry of Truth — err, sorry, the Disinformation Governance Board — detained him for questioning. Will he stand strong in the face of torture?

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