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WASHINGTON, D.C.—During a press conference aimed at praising the Commander-in-Chief’s flawless track record, Press Secretary Jen Psaki begrudgingly took a question from some gloom-and-doom journalist describing parents’ struggles in finding baby formula. Psaki guffawed, saying parents unable to obtain baby formula should just feed their babies a margarita and put them in kickboxing class.

The press secretary and future MSNBC host explained how margaritas and kickboxing are a perfect way to unwind after a long, tough day of having no food to eat.

“I know some parents see having no formula as less than ideal, but there are things you can do. Stop being a bunch of Debbie Downers,” said Psaki while twirling a crystal goblet of finely-aged Chardonnay. “Things aren’t so bad! Inflation isn’t even real; The Disinformation Governance Board just told me it’s a fairy tale economists tell their children at bedtime. No formula for your infant? Big deal! Give it some caviar drizzled with whipped mangosteen honey on Himalayan spelt wafers for crying out loud!”

The Disinformation Governance Board issued a statement—in musical form—confirming that everything Psaki said about the Disinformation Governance Board was correct.

Following the press conference, progressive parents who voted for Biden obediently began dumping margaritas into baby bottles and signing up their infants for intensive kickboxing classes.

This man shared misinformation online, so the Ministry of Truth — err, sorry, the Disinformation Governance Board — detained him for questioning. Will he stand strong in the face of torture?

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