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AMARILLO, TX—A local woman stunned critics Friday by successfully executing a record-breaking 37-point turn in front of Lawndale Elementary School on Bivins St. The driver, identified as Cheryl Alessa, only held up traffic for 12 minutes as she performed the daring expert maneuver.

Alessa dropped her kids off for school on 25th Ave and then proceeded to make a wrong turn in a northward direction. To avoid a minor delay on her way to a yoga class she promptly initiated the 37-point turn on the packed street. Bystanders began laying on their car horns and raising their voices at the loving wife and mother.

“People were really cheering for me,” Alessa later told authorities. “You could hear the crowd for miles. I didn’t think it was a big deal but I guess few women are as skilled as I am behind the wheel.”

According to sources, her husband Gerald has expressed displeasure at the incident. “I’m worried about the example she’s setting for our children. A U-turn at the next intersection would have been simpler and safer. Frankly, she’s a loose cannon.”

“He’s just threatened by my mad skillz,” said Cheryl who laughed off her husband’s concern. (She specifically pronounced the word skillz with a z).

At publishing time, school officials sent a letter to the Alessa household, encouraging the family to make other arrangements for their kids to be brought to school by someone other than their mother.


This man shared misinformation online, so the Ministry of Truth — err, sorry, the Disinformation Governance Board — detained him for questioning. Will he stand strong in the face of torture?


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