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SCHENECTADY, NY—With the looming threat that the undemocratic Supreme Court may overturn Roe v. Wade and remove federal abortion protections, local abortionist Dr. Chester Redrum expressed concern that he may have to become one of those doctors that helps people.
After years of allowing thousands of men and women to enjoy convenience and careers by killing their unborn babies, Dr. Redrum was now trying to understand how it’s possible to use his skills to help people by means of non-murder.
“I just read the Hippocratic Oath and was blown away,” said the abortionist while taking a tour of a hospital filled with failed abortions that, rather than being cut into pieces and tagged for sale, were wrapped in colorful blankets, wearing cute little knit hats, and allowed to breathe. “So much money, wasted!”
Dr. Redrum gasped in shock as a nurse rushed past, pushing a wheelchair filled with something he had never seen in his life. When he asked what a male patient was doing in this medical facility, the nurse kindly explained that the man was to have his burst appendix removed.
“Ah yes, to sell for money, got it,” said Dr. Redrum.
“Um, no, to save his life,” replied the nurse to the confused doctor.
At publishing time, the abortionist considered becoming a gender transition surgeon, where he could at least feel the satisfaction of irreversibly ruining entire lives and possibly increasing suicide rates.
Mandy is absolutely triggered by Twitter’s possible takeover by Elon Musk. She attends a Twitter-sponsored therapy session to help her cope.