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LOS ANGELES—Avatar: The Way of Water, sequel to the blockbuster 2009 film Avatar, will reportedly be a two-hour “previously on”-style recap of the original film to remind viewers what the franchise is and why they should care.

According to insider leaks, the new release begins with a “Previously On” title card and then shows a new edit of the original movie that is 42 minutes shorter. Another title card pops up at the end which reads, “To Be Continued?”

“Avatar was a big hit when it came out—but that was 13 years ago,” said producer Jon Landau. “On top of that, our research found that literally everyone on earth has forgotten what the heck Avatar is and no one seems to care. Not good!”

Producer and Director James Cameron, who originally conceived the Avatar universe while high on ayahuasca, believes the new film will be a bigger hit than the original.

“Try to keep up,” Cameron told reporters while filming another documentary on the Titanic. “Avatar was successful. The sequel is the same movie. It can’t lose!”

Hollywood critics have suggested that a quicker turnaround for the sequel would have avoided this problem altogether, but then Cameron wouldn’t have had the time to make a hundred deep-sea dives to stare at the Titanic shipwreck.

At publishing time, James Cameron has announced ten further sequels to Avatar, each a recap of the previous recap.


Mandy is absolutely triggered by Twitter’s possible takeover by Elon Musk. She attends a Twitter-sponsored therapy session to help her cope.


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