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WASHINGTON, D.C.—Vice President Kamala Harris has tested positive for COVID-19. After only two days with Kamala, however, the virus resigned from its host citing an unsustainable, harsh work environment.

The COVID infecting the body of the VP claimed that conditions were simply too toxic, hostile, and overly critical, forcing the coronavirus to throw in the towel early.

“Originally, I thought this would be the perfect gig. Seeing as how she was triple vaccinated, she was an easy target.” said the Coronavirus. “But once I started working, I realized I had made a huge mistake”. 

Covid claimed that it was unable to effectively run its course as it was interrupted by the incessant cackling disrupting its train of thought. 

According to sources, former staffers have expressed their condolences to COVID for having to put up with her for as long as it has. “It takes a lot to work that closely with the Vice President and retain the will to live,” said Mark Coulsen, former White House staffer for Kamala Harris. “You truly have to love what you do to tolerate such levels of criticism, in a high-stress, low-reward work environment.”

At publishing time, COVID had officially escaped the Vice President by soaring through the air right as Kamala cackled uncontrollably when asked a question about starving blind orphan children.


Mandy is absolutely triggered by Twitter’s possible takeover by Elon Musk. She attends a Twitter-sponsored therapy session to help her cope.


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