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HEAVEN—According to sources, the Angel Gabriel has been fielding a barrage of criticism lately aimed at the Almighty God for assigning the gender of every living creature on Earth at conception.  

Complaints have been made, mostly in the form of academic papers, CNN articles, and DNC talking points, accusing God of “assuming a person’s gender” prior to the time that a person can decide for him or her or itself, any time after the age of two.

“The complaints have been rolling in almost non-stop lately,” stated Gabriel. “I don’t really know who came up with this theory about people changing genders and a plethora of gender options, but I’ve asked around and it didn’t come from anyone up here.”

The Lord God issued a statement many years ago, recorded in Genesis, affirming that every creature on earth is created only male or female, and that’s the way it has always been and always will be. Sources within the heavenly realm said the general feeling is that those denying these basic truths will find themselves on the “wrong side of history”.

Gender fluid activist AJ Gooey has been a harsh critic of the Creator, asserting having just male or female DNA is “so limiting” and “dumb”. “The way it is now, people have to have surgery and take hormones to change genders,” xe said. “And frankly, it doesn’t actually work, though that is nice for male athletes competing on women’s sports teams.”

At press time, the Angel Gabriel had decided to just forward all complaints to Saint Peter and have him sort through them all. 


Mandy is absolutely triggered by Twitter’s possible takeover by Elon Musk. She attends a Twitter-sponsored therapy session to help her cope.


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