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U.S.—As Elon Musk inches closer to a deal to purchase Twitter, Leftists on the platform are worried the eccentric billionaire will turn the platform into a place where terrible people post bad opinions and fight with each other all the time.

“I’m worried Elon will turn Twitter into an awful place, where people say mean things. Can you imagine?!” said Twitter user Xander Piddlewonk. “What if he allows people on his platform who will fight and say terrible things and call each other names and try to cancel everyone? That would be horrible! I just may have to move to Canadian Twitter. Is there a Canadian Twitter?” 

Experts agree that ownership by Elon risks dragging the platform down into an unprecedented cesspool of hate and vitriol and people saying despicable things just to get attention. Even worse, they’re warning of a scenario in which Leftists have to defend their political opinions, Big Pharma has to defend its vaccine recommendations, and Conservative thinkers don’t get silenced.

“He may even bring back… DONALD TRUMP! REEEEEEEE!” cried Piddlewonk before tearing at his clothing and diving out of a nearby window.

Seizing the moment, Mark Zuckerberg has invited everyone to move over to the Metaverse, which features robust and progressive content moderation, leading dozens and dozens of people to join. 


Mandy is absolutely triggered by Twitter’s possible takeover by Elon Musk. She attends a Twitter-sponsored therapy session to help her cope.


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