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KATY, TX—”Where did Calvin go? When did he leave the room?” asked father John Pearson, 32, after he and his wife Bridgette suddenly snapped out of a trance-like state, realizing that they’d been watching Bluey episodes alone for three hours. 

“What?” his wife asked, slowly emerging from her stupor. “Oh. Yeah, I guess he did wander off a while ago. But… you know, we should probably just finish one more episode. I like to, uh, make sure there’s no CRT or anything in this stuff.”

“Oh, yeah, for sure,” her husband replied, according to sources. “Gotta watch out for that CRT and woke stuff.”

The couple tried to recall what happened and only remembered sitting down to watch Bluey with their 4-year-old son, Calvin, for a few minutes this morning. At some point—they think it was during a particularly delightful episode where the Bluey gang goes camping—Calvin got bored and wandered off to play with his toys in a different room. But the parents were so wrapped up in the sweetness and drama of the episode, they didn’t even notice, and continued binge-watching episodes well into the afternoon.

“Calvin? Are you OK?!” John shouted. There was no response, but he assured his wife, “I’m sure he’s fine. We’ll check on him in a few.” The couple proceeded to watch Bluey! for the next five hours.

Mandy is absolutely triggered by Twitter’s possible takeover by Elon Musk. She attends a Twitter-sponsored therapy session to help her cope.

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