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The mask mandates have ended and life is returning to normal (unless you don’t fly and live in the half of the country that has been normal for two years). It can be difficult, though, to suddenly see all those triggering human faces after the government coddled you and fed your psychotic delusion and fear for the last two years. Here are seven ways to cope:
1. Close your eyes and imagine everyone is wearing a full hazmat suit. – It’s a neat little trick that actually works.
2. Scream at the sky. – This is a well-known coping mechanism. It works especially well if you record your scream onto your TikTok account.
3. Play The Sims 4 and manage other people’s lives like you’re an all-powerful god to your heart’s content. – Now you can drown people by surrounding their swimming pools with an impenetrable wall of potted plants. You’re in charge here!
4. Upgrade to 3 or 4 masks, or just roll around in a giant hamster ball. – Keep upping the number of masks you wear, but if that’s not enough, go the hamster ball route.
5. Get your pilot’s license and start your own airline. – aIrLiNeS aRe PrIvAtE cOmPaNiEs ThEy CaN dO wHaT tHeY wAnT!
6. Just remember, we’re all in this together. – It’s just for a little while. It’s a small sacrifice to make. If it saves one toddler from a speech impediment it’s all worth it.
7. Never go outside again. – Curl up in a ball and live out the rest of your days in the corner of your home, completely safe from COVID.
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