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DALLAS, TX—The Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) has announced its star-studded lineup of speakers at the upcoming CPAC Dallas 2022 in August. Special guests will include Rep. Lauren Boebert, a ghost gun harmed by gun control legislation, and the new highly sought-after pigeon that pooped on President Biden.

“We are proud to announce that the pigeon has accepted an invitation to speak at this year’s event,” said CPAC representative, Buck Brobert to a crowd of conservative journalists who spontaneously began chanting “Lock her up,” “Build the wall,” and “Four more poops!”

“We hope to hear the pigeon’s own take on how it went from a simple bird scrounging up breadcrumbs on the tough streets of Iowa,” said Brobert, “To the life-changing moment it stood up for American values by dropping a poopy protest on the false President’s lapel.”

When reached for comment, the pigeon responded to the CPAC’s announcement with a confirmatory, “Coo.”

At publishing time, the pigeon’s newly-created Twitter account had already accrued over 1 million followers.


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