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Oh no! Everyone’s calling everyone else “groomer” and now we’re all confused! Are you a groomer? Is your neighbor a groomer? Let the experts at The Babylon Bee help you sort it out. Here are all the warning signs you may be a groomer:


1. Do you talk about sex with 5-year-olds behind their parents’ back?

2. Do you begin sentences with, “Don’t tell your parents, but…”

3. Do you encourage kids to cut off their sex organs? 

4. Are you a Disney Executive? 

5. Did you quit your job angrily after they passed the Parental Rights Act? 

6. Is taking other people’s kids to a drag show and calling it a “field trip” seem ok to you?

7. Are you now, or have you ever been, a politician? 

8. Have you ever helped a child acquire sex hormones without their parent’s knowledge?

9. Does David French think you’re a “blessing of liberty?” 


Tally up your number of “Yes” answers and consult this chart:

0-2: Oh no! You’re a groomer! 

3-5: Wow. Definitely a groomer.

6-8: Yep, still groomer.

9-11: There’s a Law & Order SVU episode with your name on it. 

12: Ok, we’re calling the police. 


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