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WASHINGTON, D.C.—As Kamala Harris staffers continue to leave the White House in droves, citing a toxic work environment and the sounds of incessant cackling echoing through the halls, the White House has remedied the issue by constructing a 12-foot border fence around the property. 

“It is time for us to do what we have been doing, and that time is every day,” said Kamala Harris as construction crews drove hundreds of massive steel posts into the ground. “I need a staff to do things that I want. I am a big Vice President, I am a powerful Vice President. But that staff keeps running away from me and not doing things that I want. Basically, that’s bad.” 

The Vice President then threw her head back and cackled loudly for several minutes.

Staffers will only be allowed to leave to conduct official business, pick up catering, or purchase fresh adult diapers for the President. Kamala assured her staff that the fence will come down as soon as her time in the White House has expired. 

“You will all be free someday,” she said to her staff. “I encourage you to reflect on the significance of the passage of time. When a significant amount of time passes, you will be allowed to go.” 

At time of publishing, Harris was seen at the Southern border desperately looking for any migrants who might be willing to work for her. 

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