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WASHINGTON, D.C.—Justice Clarence Thomas raised several eyebrows this week when he showed up to oral arguments wearing a brand new “Trump Won” hat. Critics are now calling for him to recuse himself from every single case forever and then impeach himself.
According to sources, Justice Stephen Breyer, who is set to retire at the end of the judicial term, asked Thomas about the hat during arguments.
“Hey, Clarence,” Breyer said. “It’s good to see you again—hey, what’s with the hat?”
Thomas, who recently finished a brief hospital stay, has said he is stronger than ever and ready to overturn the 2020 election as soon as possible but failed to specifically acknowledge his new hat.
Justice Sonia Sotomayor confronted him during the mid-day recess. “You need to take off that hat and swear you don’t believe Trump is the president. Swear fealty to Biden!” she bellowed.
Thomas explained with a smile that the hat was “just a joke” but Justice Sonia Sotomayor claims the smile never reached his eyes. “He’s going to destroy our democracy! I’m calling the authorities!” cried Sotomayor. She then attempted to dial the Paw Patrol with the phone at her desk, not realizing that it was a toy.
Trump has confirmed that when he is reinstated as President, he will grant Justice Thomas 10 votes on the court.
This clever husband has found a way to avoid all his responsibilities: he just deflects blame onto Vladimir Putin. Smart!